Okay so it’s 2:17 AM and I’m wide awake because Maddie decided tonight was a great night to practice her new crawling skills in her crib instead of, you know, sleeping. And now my brain is doing that thing where it goes through every single thing I did wrong today and every single thing I need to do tomorrow and why am I like this???
Jared has pajama day at school tomorrow and I just remembered I never washed his favorite PJs. They’re somewhere in the laundry mountain on my bedroom floor. Also I’m pretty sure I forgot to pack his lunch box again today. Mom of the year over here.
But whatever, I’m up anyway, so I figured I’d write about this whole mom burnout thing because honestly? I feel like I’m drowning most days and maybe you do too and we should probably talk about it.
Everyone’s always posting these perfect morning routine things and meal prep Sundays and I’m over here like… I brushed my teeth today AND put on deodorant so basically I’m crushing it.
Real Talk About Burnout (It’s Not What You Think)
So I thought burnout was just being really really tired. Like when Jared was a baby and I was running on three hours of sleep and seventeen cups of coffee. But this is different.
This is like… remember when you were a kid and you’d play with Play-Doh and leave it out overnight and the next day it was all hard and crumbly and basically useless? That’s me. That’s my brain. Hard and crumbly Play-Doh brain.
It started getting really bad a few months ago. Maddie was going through this phase where she’d only nap if I was holding her (still kind of doing this btw) and Jared was having big feelings about everything because that’s what six-year-olds do apparently. And I just felt… empty. Like everyone was taking pieces of me and I had nothing left.
The breaking point was last Tuesday. Jared spilled his cereal all over the kitchen floor – not on purpose, accidents happen – and I just lost it. Started crying over Cheerios like they were the end of the world. Poor kid didn’t know what to do. He brought me his stuffed elephant and patted my back and said “It’s okay Mommy, we can clean it up.”
That’s when I knew I needed to get my crap together.
Things That Actually Help (No Perfect Mom BS)
Get Up Before Your Tiny Humans
Ugh I hate this advice so much but it works. I set my alarm for 5:30 (which feels like torture) but those 20-30 minutes of just… existing… before someone needs me to find their other shoe or wipe their butt or explain why we can’t have ice cream for breakfast, it keeps me human.
I don’t do anything fancy. I just sit on my couch in the dark drinking coffee and scrolling TikTok or reading the news or sometimes just staring at the wall. Whatever. It’s MY time.
And yes I bought one of those coffee makers that starts itself because I’m not a monster who’s going to make coffee when I can barely open my eyes. Got it on Amazon for like thirty bucks and it’s probably the smartest thing I’ve ever purchased.
Let People Do Things for You
This is SO HARD for me. Like when my mom comes over and offers to help with laundry and I’m like “oh no it’s fine I can do it” while literally standing next to a pile of clothes that’s been there for six days.
Why do we do this to ourselves???
Last week my neighbor Sarah asked if she could pick Jared up from school because she was already getting her daughter. And instead of saying “oh thanks but I can get him” I said YES. And you know what happened? Jared had fun, I got to give Maddie a bath without rushing, and the world did not collapse.
Now I’m trying to say yes more. Even when my house looks like a tornado hit it. Even when I haven’t showered. People who judge moms for needing help are not people I need in my life anyway.
Forget About Routines When Everything’s Chaos
We have a morning routine that works great… when everything goes according to plan. Which is basically never.
This morning Maddie had a diaper explosion that somehow got on the wall (??) and Jared couldn’t find his backpack and I realized I forgot to wash his water bottle AGAIN. So our beautiful routine went out the window and we just did whatever we could to get out the door.
Some days we’re late. Some days Jared wears the same shirt two days in a row because it’s his favorite and I don’t have the energy to fight about it. Some days I feed them pop-tarts in the car and call it breakfast.
The routine is there to help us, not to make us feel guilty when life happens.
Stop Trying to Be That Mom
You know the mom I’m talking about. The one with the organized pantry and the homemade everything and the kids who always look put together. I spent so much time trying to be her that I forgot to just… be me.
My kids are happy. Jared tells me I’m the best mom in the world when I let him stay up five extra minutes at bedtime. Maddie laughs at my terrible singing and weird faces. They don’t care that I buy frozen vegetables instead of cutting up fresh ones or that their playroom looks like Toys R Us exploded.
They just want me to be HERE. Not perfect. Just here.
Sleep is Not Optional
I used to think staying up until midnight to clean the kitchen made me a good mom. Turns out it just made me a cranky mom the next day.
Now I go to bed when the kids do sometimes. The dishes can wait. The laundry can wait. My sanity cannot wait.
And that white noise machine I bought for Maddie’s room? Best forty dollars I ever spent. She sleeps better, which means I sleep better, which means I don’t want to hide in the bathroom and cry before 9 AM.
Find Your Tribe
I’m in a mom group that meets at the park every Thursday and I almost didn’t go to the first meeting because I was sure everyone would have their lives more together than me.
Guess what? We’re all hot messes. Last week one mom showed up in slippers because she forgot to put on real shoes. Another one brought her kid in Halloween costume in February because pick your battles, you know?
These are my people. They understand why I’m excited about grocery shopping alone. They don’t judge when I text at 3 AM because I’m up with a teething baby. Having friends who GET IT makes everything easier.
Move Your Body (I’m Not Talking About the Gym)
I hate exercise. Like really hate it. But I figured out that dancing in the kitchen while making dinner counts. Taking the kids to the playground and actually pushing them on swings instead of just standing there on my phone counts. Playing chase in the backyard counts.
The point isn’t to look good in workout clothes. The point is to not feel like a zombie all day.
Put the Damn Phone Down
Okay this one hurts because my phone is like my lifeline to adult conversation and funny memes and confirmation that other people’s kids also do weird things. But I noticed I was getting stressed reading about everyone else’s perfect lives while my own life felt like chaos.
So now I try to put it away during dinner and bedtime stories. Jared actually thanked me yesterday for “really listening” to his story about Minecraft or Pokemon or whatever he was talking about. Made me realize how much I was missing.
Meal Planning Saves Lives
Every Sunday I sit down for like fifteen minutes and write down what we’re eating for the week. Nothing fancy. Spaghetti. Chicken nuggets. Whatever’s in the freezer that I forgot I bought.
Just having a plan means I’m not staring into the fridge at 5 PM with two hungry kids asking “what’s for dinner” while my brain completely shuts down.
That Instant Pot everyone talks about? Yeah I finally got one and it’s amazing. I can throw chicken and vegetables in there, push some buttons, and somehow dinner happens. Even when I have no idea what I’m doing.
Say No to Stuff (Even When You Feel Guilty)
Two birthday parties in one weekend? No thanks. Playdate when I’m barely holding it together? Maybe another time. Volunteering for the school thing when I can’t even remember to sign permission slips? Hard pass.
I used to feel so guilty saying no to things. Like I was being antisocial or my kids were missing out. But protecting our peace isn’t mean. It’s necessary.
Sometimes staying home in pajamas eating cereal for dinner is exactly what we all need.
Look for the Good Stuff (But Don’t Fake It)
I’m not talking about toxic positivity where you pretend everything’s fine when it’s not. I’m talking about noticing the small stuff that’s actually pretty great.
Yesterday Jared helped me unload the dishwasher without being asked (MIRACLE). Last week Maddie clapped when I walked in the room like I was the most amazing person she’d ever seen. This morning my coffee was really good.
These tiny moments get me through the hard days.
Naptime is Sacred
Some days I use naptime to clean. Some days I use it to shower. Some days I use it to eat ice cream straight from the container while watching Netflix.
All of these are equally important uses of naptime.
Have Backup Plans
4 PM is the witching hour in our house. Jared is tired and cranky from school. Maddie is over everything. I’m trying to figure out dinner and keep everyone alive.
So now I have strategies ready. Put on music and dance it out. Give everyone snacks and go outside. Put on a movie and call it survival mode. Having a plan makes it feel less like the world is ending.
You’re Still YOU
I love being Jared and Maddie’s mom but I’m also still the person who ugly cries at sad movies and gets way too invested in celebrity drama and has strong opinions about pizza toppings.
Even if it’s just reading a few pages of a book or listening to music or painting my nails while they’re distracted by cartoons, I need to remember who I am besides “Mom.”
Stop Being So Mean to Yourself
You’re going to have bad days. You’re going to yell about things that don’t matter. You’re going to feel like you’re failing at everything.
That’s not because you’re a bad mom. That’s because you’re human and this job is HARD.
Your kids won’t remember that day you lost it over the toys all over the living room. They’ll remember that you love them and that you apologized and that you always try to do better.
When You Need Real Help
Sometimes all the tips and tricks aren’t enough. After Maddie was born I thought I was just tired but it was actually anxiety and some depression. I was worried about everything all the time and couldn’t enjoy anything.
Calling my doctor was scary but it was the best thing I did. If you’re feeling hopeless or panicky or having thoughts that scare you, please talk to someone. There’s no shame in getting help. Your kids need you healthy.
Just Figure Out What Works
What works for me might not work for you. What worked when Jared was little doesn’t always work now that I have two kids. That’s okay. You get to experiment and change things up.
Try something for a week. If it helps, keep doing it. If it doesn’t, try something else. There’s no perfect way to do this.
I got a family calendar to keep track of everyone’s activities and appointments because trying to remember everything in my head was making me crazy. Less mental load means more energy for actually playing with my kids.
The Bottom Line
You don’t have to be the Pinterest mom with the perfect house and the homemade everything. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to show up and love your kids and try not to completely lose yourself in the process.
Some days you’ll feel like super mom. Some days you’ll feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. Both are normal.
It’s almost 3 AM now and I should try to sleep before Maddie decides it’s time to wake up again. But I’m glad I wrote this. Sometimes just getting it out of your head helps.
We’re all just doing our best. And our best is enough. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. Especially when it doesn’t feel like it.
Now go eat some chocolate or take a hot shower or do whatever makes you feel human for five minutes. You deserve it.
