It’s literally 3:22 AM right now and I’m sitting on my bathroom floor because Maddie just projectile vomited all over me AND the bed AND somehow the wall?? Like how does a 4 month old have that kind of range??
Anyway my sister texted me yesterday asking if I think having a girl is easier than when I had Jared and I started typing back and then realized this is probably gonna be long so here we are. Me, sitting on cold bathroom tiles, smelling like regurgitated formula, about to tell you the absolute truth about boys vs girls.
Spoiler alert: they both tried to kill me just in different ways.
Jared – My Beautiful Little Terrorist (Age 0-2)
God I love this kid but DUDE. From the moment he could move it was like living with a tiny drunk person who had zero survival instincts. I’m talking day ONE this kid was trying to escape his hospital blanket. The nurse was like “oh he’s active!” and I should’ve known right then I was screwed.
The PEE situation you guys. Nobody prepared me for this. NOBODY. Like yeah people mention boys pee when you change them but they don’t tell you it’s like living with a tiny fire hose with no off switch. I got peed on 47 times the first week. I counted. Because I was losing my mind and counting seemed reasonable at the time.
One time – and I swear this is true – he peed so hard it hit the mirror above the changing table. THE MIRROR. I had to call my mom crying like “mom is this normal??” and she’s laughing so hard she can’t breathe going “honey welcome to boys.”
And can we talk about how this child had NO FEAR OF DEATH?? I’d put him down for tummy time and literally turn around to grab a burp cloth and he’d somehow be halfway up the stairs. At 6 months old. SIX MONTHS. I baby-proofed everything twice and he’d still find new ways to give me heart attacks.
I remember one morning I’m making coffee (because survival) and I hear this crash from the living room and I run in and he’s somehow climbed onto the coffee table and he’s just sitting there clapping like he just won an Olympic medal. Meanwhile I’m having a full panic attack.
The pediatrician kept saying “he’s very advanced physically!” and I’m like cool but can we talk about how he’s trying to BASE jump off the couch??
But then – and this is the part that saved my sanity – when he wasn’t trying to destroy himself or everything I owned, he was the most snuggly little thing ever. Like he’d go full chaos mode for hours and then just crash and want to be held. Those moments when he’d fall asleep on my chest and I could actually think straight for five minutes? Pure magic.
Sleep though… what’s sleep? This kid treated bedtime like a friendly suggestion until he was almost 3. I tried EVERYTHING. Sleep training books, white noise machines, that expensive consultant my friend swore by. Nothing. He just had major FOMO and refused to miss a single thing happening in the world.
Enter Princess Maddie (Current Tiny Boss)
So when I found out I was having a girl everyone was like “oh girls are SO much easier, you’re so lucky!” and honestly I was skeptical because babies are babies right?? But also secretly hoping they were right because I couldn’t handle another Jared situation.
Well… she IS different. But I can’t tell if it’s because she’s a girl or because I’m not having a complete mental breakdown every time she breathes funny this time around.
Like diaper changes are actually PEACEFUL now. She just lies there making little cooing sounds and looking at me like “hi mama what’s happening?” instead of trying to flip over and escape like Jared did. Sometimes I forget what I’m doing because I’m so used to it being a wrestling match.
And you guys… she SLEEPS. Like actual real sleep for actual real hours. I keep checking on her because surely something must be wrong but nope she’s just being a normal baby who does normal baby things. What a concept.
But then I think about it and maybe the difference isn’t her – maybe it’s ME? Like when she makes weird faces I don’t immediately google “baby making scrunchy face at 2 AM is this meningitis?” because I know now that babies just make weird faces sometimes for no reason.
When she cries I’m not like OH GOD WHAT DID I DO WRONG NOW I’M THE WORST MOTHER EVER. I’m more like “okay what do you need sweetie – food, clean diaper, or just mad that you’re a tiny human in a confusing world? Same girl, same.”
The Truth Nobody Wants to Admit
Here’s what I think after doing this twice and barely surviving – anyone who tells you definitively that boys are harder or girls are easier is either lying, got really lucky, or has some serious selective memory going on.
You know what ACTUALLY makes a baby “easier”??
Not being a completely terrified first-time parent who’s convinced every sneeze means your baby is dying. I was SO ANXIOUS with Jared. Like pathologically anxious. I had the pediatrician’s office on speed dial. I’m pretty sure they had meetings about me.
This time when Maddie does something weird I’m like “huh that’s interesting” instead of “OH MY GOD SHE’S BROKEN CALL 911.”
Also having Jared around helps because he’s completely obsessed with being the best big brother ever. He brings me diapers without being asked and talks to her when she’s fussy and yesterday he tried to give her a bite of his sandwich because “she looked hungry mama.” I mean I had to stop him but MY HEART.
Plus this time I actually said YES when people offered help instead of being like “oh no I got this I’m fine” while slowly losing my mind. When my mom offered to come stay for two weeks I was like YES PLEASE SAVE ME BEFORE I FORGET HOW TO BE A HUMAN.
What Actually Matters (According to My Very Scientific Study of Two Kids)
Forget about gender for a minute because here’s what I think really determines if your baby’s gonna be “easy”:
How much YOU’RE freaking out. I spent Jared’s entire first year convinced I was doing everything wrong. This time my main goals are “keep everyone alive and fed” and “try to shower sometimes.” Much more achievable.
Whether you have backup. My husband was traveling constantly when Jared was little so it was basically just me slowly going insane alone. This time he’s home more and having someone to tag in when you’re at your breaking point is EVERYTHING.
How much sleep you’re getting. I know this is obvious but seriously. When my mom takes night duty so I can sleep for 6 straight hours I’m like a completely different person. Funny how that works.
The right gear that actually helps. Not trying to sell you anything but some stuff really does make life easier. That baby monitor everyone raves about? Saved my sanity when Jared figured out how to escape his crib at 18 months. Those swaddles that actually stay put? Life changing. Really good coffee? Essential for basic human functioning.
But mostly just having realistic expectations. Instagram perfect nursery? Who cares. Matching outfits every day? HAHAHA. Clean house? I’ll see you in 5 years maybe.
The Stuff I Actually Noticed That Might Be Real Differences
Okay so I do think there might be some actual boy vs girl things but not the ones people talk about. Like Jared was ALWAYS moving from day one. Always looking around, always ready for the next thing. Even as a tiny baby he was like “what’s happening over there??”
Maddie’s more of an observer. She’ll just chill and watch what’s going on around her. She seems more interested in faces and voices while Jared was more interested in like… ceiling fans and anything that moved.
But then my friend Sarah has a daughter who was climbing out of her crib at 10 months and a son who’s perfectly happy to sit quietly with books all day so maybe I’m just making stuff up because I’m sleep deprived. Probably that.
The ONE thing I will say is that Jared was LOUD. Like his cries were these full-body productions that could wake up three houses down. Maddie’s more like “excuse me I need something please” instead of “THE WORLD IS ENDING AND IT’S YOUR FAULT MOTHER.”
What I’d Tell My Past Self If I Could Time Travel
Dear completely overwhelmed first-time mom me:
BREATHE. Seriously just breathe. Stop reading 47 parenting books at 2 AM because your baby doesn’t care what the “experts” say. Every baby is different and yours is perfect exactly as he is even when he’s screaming for no reason at 3 AM.
Stop comparing yourself to those perfect Instagram moms. They’re not posting about the time they wore the same spit-up covered shirt for three days or when they cried in the Target parking lot because they forgot to buy diapers AGAIN.
It’s okay to have no idea what you’re doing. Nobody knows what they’re doing we’re all just pretending and hoping for the best. Trust yourself – you know Jared better than any book or blog or judgmental mom at playgroup.
And PLEASE let people help you. When someone offers to bring dinner or hold the baby while you shower just say YES instead of trying to be superhuman.
My Completely Unqualified But Honest Conclusion
So which is easier – boys or girls?
I think your second baby feels easier no matter what gender they are because you’re not completely losing your mind over every little thing. But I could be wrong because I’m currently running on about 4 hours of sleep and my last real meal was yesterday’s leftover mac and cheese that I ate standing over the sink.
Both Jared and Maddie have been exactly what I needed even when I thought I couldn’t handle what they were throwing at me. Jared taught me I’m way stronger than I thought I was. Maddie’s teaching me that sometimes the second time really is easier – not because she’s a girl but because I’m not a complete rookie anymore.
If you’re pregnant and stressing about whether you’re having a boy or girl just… don’t. You’re gonna figure it out either way. It’s gonna be messy and exhausting and beautiful and the gender is gonna matter way less than you think it will.
Right now I can hear Jared in his room having a full conversation with his stuffed dinosaur about what they’re gonna have for breakfast tomorrow and Maddie’s finally sleeping after her earlier puke festival and honestly? I wouldn’t trade this beautiful crazy life for anything.
But if anyone has tips for getting baby vomit smell out of literally everything I own I’m all ears. I’ve tried everything and I’m starting to think this is just my life now.
What about you guys? Do you think there’s actually a difference between boys and girls or are we all just making stuff up? I need to know I’m not the only one who feels like I’m flying blind here most of the time!
PS – it’s now 4:18 AM and someone’s crying again so this adventure continues. Send coffee. And maybe wine. Definitely wine.
