What is disrespectful to a parent?

The Stuff That Makes Me Question My Life Choices

Can we talk about the eye rolling? Because Jared has mastered this eye roll that could probably be seen from space. Like the other day I asked him to put his shoes away (revolutionary concept, I know) and this child rolled his eyes so hard I thought they might get stuck.

And then there’s the “whatever” thing. Oh my GOD the whatever. He says it with this tone like I just asked him to perform brain surgery instead of loading the dishwasher.

But honestly what gets me the most is when he interrupts me. Not just regular kid interrupting, but like, actively talking over me when I’m trying to discipline him. Yesterday I was explaining why he couldn’t have a sleepover on a school night and he literally started singing to drown me out. SINGING. Like I’m some background noise he can just tune out.

The selective hearing thing is next level too. This kid can hear me unwrap a granola bar from two floors away but somehow becomes Helen Keller when I tell him to clean his room. Make it make sense.

Oh and don’t get me started on public behavior. Last week at Walmart he threw an actual fit because I wouldn’t buy him Pokemon cards. Full on floor tantrum, 8 years old, while I’m holding a crying baby and trying to remember why I thought grocery shopping with both kids was a good idea. The looks I got from other parents… I wanted to disappear into the floor.

When They Get Physical (But Not In a Cute Way)

So we had this incident last month. Jared was mad about losing video game time and he “accidentally” knocked over this lamp in the living room. Right after I told him no more Xbox for the day. What a coincidence, right?

When I called him on it he swore up and down it was an accident but like, come on kid, I wasn’t born yesterday. The fake innocent face isn’t fooling anyone.

And the door slamming! Oh my Lord, the door slamming. This child slams his bedroom door so hard I’m surprised it’s still hanging on its hinges. Then when I tell him to stop he’s like “I’m not slamming it, I’m just closing it hard.”

Boy, bye.

The worst though is when he takes his anger out on Maddie’s stuff. Like if he’s mad at me, suddenly her toys end up broken or thrown around his room. And of course it’s always “an accident” or “she left it in my space” but we all know what’s really happening.

But Like, What’s Normal Though?

Here’s the thing that messes with my head – when Maddie throws food on the floor or smacks me when she’s having a meltdown, I don’t take it personally because she’s literally a baby. Her brain is like the size of a walnut and she doesn’t understand consequences yet.

But Jared? This kid knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s smart enough to know that rolling his eyes at me is rude, but he does it anyway. He understands that ignoring me when I’m talking to him isn’t okay, but here we are.

That’s what makes it so frustrating – he’s old enough to know better but still young enough to act like a tiny psychopath sometimes.

Like when Maddie was going through her terrible twos (which lasted approximately 847 years), I could handle the tantrums because I knew it was just developmental. She’d scream about her banana being broken or whatever and I’d be like “okay sweetie, big feelings, I get it.”

But now with Jared being 8, when he acts out it feels intentional. Like he’s specifically trying to push my buttons to see how far he can go before I completely lose it.

And honestly? Sometimes it works. Sometimes I do lose it and then I feel terrible because I’m supposed to be the adult here but some days adulting is HARD.

Why Do Kids Do This to Us?

I’ve thought about this SO much, probably more than I should. Like why does my generally sweet kid sometimes turn into this little monster who seems to enjoy making my life difficult?

I think half the time he’s testing me to see if I’ll actually follow through on consequences. Like when I say “if you don’t clean your room you can’t have friends over this weekend” and then he tests it by not cleaning his room. He’s basically calling my bluff.

And let’s be real – sometimes he wins because I’m too tired to deal with the fallout. Like last week I said no iPad time if he didn’t finish his homework, but then Maddie was being fussy and I needed him occupied so I caved. Terrible parenting moment but we’ve all been there, right?

Sometimes I think he picks up attitude from school. There’s always that one kid in every class who thinks being rude is cool, and of course that’s the kid my angel child decides to imitate.

But the worst realization was when I caught him copying MY attitude. Like I was having a stressful morning, snapped at him about something small, and then later I heard him talking to Maddie in the exact same tone. Talk about a reality check.

Other times I think the disrespectful behavior is his way of saying something’s wrong. Like a few months ago he was being extra difficult and I finally figured out he was nervous about starting a new school year but didn’t know how to tell me.

And honestly? Sometimes I think he just wants my undivided attention. With Maddie taking up so much of my time and energy, acting out is a guaranteed way to get me to focus on him, even if it’s negative attention.

The Stuff I Do That Probably Ticks Him Off Too

Okay this part is painful to admit but I had to really look at myself and my own behavior.

How many times do I tell him “just a minute” when he’s trying to talk to me and then that minute turns into twenty because I’m dealing with work emails or Maddie’s diaper blowout or whatever crisis is happening?

Or when he’s excited to tell me about something that happened at school and I’m only half listening because I’m mentally making my to-do list for tomorrow. Kids can tell when you’re not really present, and it probably feels pretty crappy.

I’ve definitely broken promises too. Like saying we’ll go to the park after lunch and then canceling because I’m too exhausted or something else came up. From his perspective, my word doesn’t mean much if I keep doing this.

And let’s talk about the phone thing because I KNOW I’m guilty of this. How can I expect him to give me his full attention when I’m constantly checking Instagram while he’s trying to have a conversation with me?

I’ve also embarrassed him in front of his friends before without realizing it. Like correcting his behavior when his buddies were over or sharing some cute but embarrassing story about him. The mortified look on his face told me everything.

Sometimes I catch myself using that mom tone that I hated when I was a kid – you know the one. That dismissive, condescending voice that makes you feel about two inches tall. No wonder he sometimes fires back with attitude.

What Actually Works (When I Remember to Do It)

I’m definitely winging this whole parenting thing but here’s what I’ve learned through lots of mistakes and some accidental successes:

First, I had to check my own attitude. If I want respect from him, I need to model it even when I’m frustrated and tired and touched out and ready to hide in my closet with a bag of chips.

We made some basic rules about how we talk to each other in our house. Nothing fancy, just stuff like “we don’t call names when we’re upset” and “we ask nicely instead of demanding things.” Simple but apparently revolutionary concepts in our household.

The hardest part is being consistent because y’all, consistency is EXHAUSTING. If the consequence for being rude is losing screen time, then it has to happen every single time, even when I really need him distracted so I can get dinner on the table.

I try to catch him being good too, which honestly I forget to do way too often. But when he handles disappointment well or helps with his sister without being asked, I make a big deal about it because that kid needs to know when he’s doing things right.

When You Need to Call in Backup

Most of this stuff is just normal kid behavior that needs some redirecting, but sometimes things get more serious.

My friend Sarah had to take her son to see a counselor because his disrespectful behavior was getting out of control. Like full on aggression, destroying property, being cruel to his little sister. That’s beyond normal kid stuff.

If your kid seems angry all the time, if the behavior is escalating instead of getting better, or if it’s affecting school and friendships, don’t be afraid to get professional help. There’s absolutely no shame in admitting you need support.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world and none of us really know what we’re doing. Sometimes you need someone with actual training to help you figure out if what you’re dealing with is normal or if something else is going on.