Ok it’s like 12:30am and I’m stress-eating cereal straight from the box because today was A DAY and both kids are finally asleep thank god. Jared’s gonna wake me up at some ungodly hour asking for waffles shaped like dinosaurs (again) and Maddie just figured out how to pull herself up so now she’s basically a tiny drunk person ricocheting off furniture all day.
Everyone keeps asking me for parenting advice like I know things??? I literally googled “how to get play doh out of hair” yesterday. But whatever, people seem to think my kids are happy or whatever so here’s what I’ve accidentally figured out while completely winging it.
I Stopped Pretending to Have My Shit Together
Remember when I used to post those perfectly arranged lunch boxes on Instagram? LOL yeah that lasted like two weeks. Now Jared gets whatever random stuff I can throw together and if he’s lucky it’s in actual containers instead of ziplock bags.
Yesterday his lunch was string cheese, crackers that were definitely expired but whatever, and half a granola bar I found in my purse. He came home like “Mom that was the BEST lunch” because apparently the low bar is working for us??
Maddie’s wearing the same onesie for the second day because I keep forgetting to switch the laundry and honestly she’s just gonna spit up on it anyway so what’s the point. She’s happy. I’m barely functioning but she’s happy.
The house looks like a toy store exploded and you know what I don’t even care anymore. These Instagram moms with their white couches can keep that stress. My couch has goldfish ground into it and that’s called LIVED IN.
Actually Listen When They Talk (Put Down Your Phone Karen)
I used to be scrolling through my phone while Jared told me stuff and one day he was like “Mom you’re not even listening” and I was like oh shit he’s right.
Now I try to actually pay attention when he’s talking even when he’s explaining Minecraft villager economics for the 47th time. Sometimes I learn important stuff like how Madison at school said his shoes were stupid (we had WORDS about Madison) or how he’s worried about the spelling test.
With Maddie it’s all babbling but I babble back and she gets SO excited like we’re having this deep philosophical conversation. She points at stuff and I’m like “oh yes that’s a lamp very interesting Maddie tell me more” and she just loses her mind with joy.
Kids just wanna be heard man. Even when they’re talking absolute nonsense.
Let Them Figure It Out (Even When It’s Painful to Watch)
This is torture for my control freak brain but letting them struggle with stuff actually helps??? Who knew.
Jared forgot his backpack last week and was all upset and I was reaching for my keys to go get it but then I was like… nope. He needs to learn that forgetting stuff sucks. He survived. Borrowed a pencil from a friend. Came home with a whole plan about how he’s gonna remember next time.
Maddie’s trying to feed herself and it’s like watching a tiny tornado destroy the kitchen but she’s SO proud when she actually gets food in her mouth instead of her hair. I got these Munchkin Self Feeding Spoons that help a little but honestly it’s still chaos.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is just… not do anything. Let them figure it out. Revolutionary concept right?
Playing is Messy Deal With It
Jared builds these elaborate LEGO cities everywhere and I’m constantly stepping on tiny plastic death traps but watching him create whole worlds is pretty cool. He’s got this LEGO Creator Space Shuttle thing and he’s made up this whole story about alien invasions and space cats. SPACE CATS. The kid’s imagination is wild.
Maddie just dumps everything out of containers and crawls through the wreckage like some kind of baby hurricane. I used to stress about the mess but now I’m like whatever she’s exploring and learning and stuff. Got her these Soft Stacking Cups that she can’t destroy (yet).
Play is supposed to be fun not perfect. My kids are happy covered in paint and Play Doh crumbs so that’s what we’re going with.
Feelings Happen and That’s Fine I Guess
Used to be when someone cried I’d panic and try to fix everything immediately. Now I’m learning that sometimes kids just need to feel their feelings even when it’s loud and dramatic.
Jared had this massive meltdown yesterday because his socks felt “too socksy” (???) and instead of trying to make it stop I just sat there like “wow you’re really frustrated about those socks.” Eventually he calmed down and we figured it out together.
This The Way I Feel book has been helpful for putting words to the chaos in his brain. Also teaches me that apparently there are way more emotions than happy/sad/angry who knew.
Maddie’s feelings are simpler but just as dramatic. She SCREAMS when I take away whatever dangerous thing she’s trying to eat. I used to rush to distract her but now I’m like “yes you’re mad about the dirt you can be mad” and she gets over it faster somehow.
Routines Keep Me From Completely Losing It
I’m not naturally organized AT ALL but having the same bedtime thing every night saves my sanity. When everything else goes sideways at least we know what comes next.
Jared gets one story every night and right now we’re going through all the Dog Man books which are ridiculous but make him laugh til he hiccups so whatever. Sometimes he picks the same book five nights in a row and I’m like cool more of this story about a dog superhero sure why not.
Maddie gets bath bottle cuddles same lullabies every night. Some nights she passes out immediately some nights we battle for two hours but at least the routine stays the same and my brain doesn’t have to make decisions when I’m already fried.
Food Battles Are Dumb
I used to stress SO MUCH about balanced meals and food groups and all that crap. You know what happened? Every dinner was a fight and nobody was happy.
Now I put food on the table and whatever happens happens. Jared ate nothing but chicken nuggets and apple slices for like two weeks straight and guess what HE DIDN’T DIE. Some days he eats great some days he survives on crackers and that’s fine apparently kids won’t actually starve themselves.
Maddie throws most of her food on the floor and the dog is getting chunky but she’s learning about textures and gravity or whatever. I just put a towel down and surrender to the chaos.
Screen Time Whatever
Everyone’s got opinions about screens and I’m tired of feeling guilty about it. Jared watches shows. He plays games. He also reads and goes outside and builds stuff so I think he’s probably fine??
When Maddie’s having a meltdown sometimes I put on music videos with bright colors and she zones out for ten minutes and I can drink my coffee while it’s still warm. Judge me I don’t care those ten minutes keep me human.
I pay attention to how much is too much and adjust but I’m not gonna stress about every minute of screen time. There are bigger things to worry about.
Say Yes to Weird Stuff
My default used to be no for everything because mess or inconvenience or whatever. Now I try to say yes when it’s not gonna hurt anyone.
Can we eat cereal for dinner? Sure why not. Can you wear your Spider-Man costume to the grocery store? Yeah whatever let people stare. Can we build a fort out of couch cushions right before bedtime? …ok fine but then we’re ACTUALLY going to bed.
Last week Jared asked if we could have a “floor picnic” for lunch and I was gonna say no because mess but then I was like you know what sure. We ate sandwiches on a blanket in the living room and he acted like it was the best day ever. Takes like zero extra effort to make them happy sometimes.
They Don’t Need to Be Happy Every Second
Hot take: kids don’t need to be entertained and delighted every moment of their lives. Boredom is fine. Disappointment builds character or whatever.
When Jared says he’s bored I don’t immediately jump into activities. Sometimes I’m just like “yeah that happens” and he figures out something to do. Usually involves destroying something but he figures it out.
Same with not getting what he wants. He’s allowed to be sad about it I’m not gonna fix every disappointment because that’s not how life works and he needs to learn that now.
Individual Attention Even if It’s Just Five Minutes
This is hard with two kids but I try to give each of them some one-on-one time every day even if it’s tiny. With Jared maybe it’s helping him with homework while Maddie naps. With Maddie maybe it’s making ridiculous faces during diaper changes.
Doesn’t have to be this big thing but having someone’s complete attention seems to fill up their emotional tank or something. Makes sense I guess we all want to feel special sometimes.
Stop Googling Everything
I used to google every tiny thing and work myself into panic mode. Is this rash meningitis? Why isn’t he walking yet? Should I be worried about this weird thing he said?
Now I trust my gut more. If something seems actually wrong I call the doctor but I don’t spiral over every little thing. Dr Google is not my friend he just makes me crazy.
Maddie’s doing everything at her own pace not according to some milestone chart and that’s fine. She’s happy and healthy and learning stuff every day that’s what matters.
This Phase Will End Eventually
When Jared was going through this phase where he asked WHY about everything I thought I was gonna lose my mind. Why is the sky blue why do we need food why can’t dogs talk WHY WHY WHY all day long.
Someone told me I’d miss the questions and I thought they were insane but now he’s more independent and doesn’t need me to explain everything and honestly I do kinda miss some of those conversations.
Maddie’s waking up three times a night right now and I’m basically a zombie but I know someday I’ll miss those quiet middle of the night snuggles. Everything is temporary the good and the bad.
Happy Kids Aren’t Happy All the Time
Real talk: happy kids still cry and have tantrums and bad days just like adults do. The difference is they know they’re loved no matter what and they feel safe having big feelings.
Some days Jared tells me I’m the best mom ever other days he screams that he hates me because I made him brush his teeth. Both are normal and neither one means I’m failing.
Maddie has days where she’s pure sunshine and days where nothing makes her happy. That’s just being a person not a reflection of my parenting.
What I Wish I’d Known
You’re gonna mess up and that’s totally fine. Your kids are way more resilient than you think. They don’t need perfect parents they need parents who love them and show up.
Also coffee is essential and hiding in the bathroom for two minutes of silence is self care not selfish. You can’t pour from an empty cup or whatever that saying is.
The parents who never question themselves are the ones who worry me. If you’re reading parenting articles at midnight wondering if you’re screwing everything up you’re probably doing just fine.
The Truth
I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. I make mistakes daily. Sometimes I lose my patience. Sometimes I let screen time go too long because I need a break. Sometimes I serve cereal for dinner and call it a win.
But my kids laugh every day. They come to me when they’re hurt or scared or excited. They know I love them even when they’re being complete monsters. And that feels like success to me.
Right now Jared’s sleep-talking about Pokemon and Maddie’s making those little baby snore sounds that are somehow both cute and terrifying because what if she’s too quiet what if she’s too loud what if what if what if.
They’re healthy they’re loved and tomorrow they’ll probably make me laugh and make me want to hide under a blanket within the same five minutes. That’s parenting.
If you’re reading this while stress eating something because your kids finally went to sleep and you’re questioning every decision you made today you’re probably doing better than you think. We’re all just making it up as we go and somehow it works out most of the time.
Now I’m gonna finish this cereal and pretend I don’t know who ate all of Jared’s Halloween candy when he asks tomorrow. Spoiler alert: it was me.
