My Kid Turned Into a Complete Brat (And It Was Totally My Fault)
Okay so yesterday I’m at Walmart buying formula for my baby Maddie, right? And my 8-year-old Jared sees this huge display of Pokemon cards. He starts doing that thing where he follows me around the store going “Mom, mom, mom, can I please get just one pack? PLEASE? I promise I’ll be good forever and ever.”
I’m like, “Jared, we’re here for baby stuff.”
And this kid – I swear – looks me dead in the eye and goes, “You love Maddie more than me because you buy her stuff but never me.”
I literally stopped pushing the cart. Other moms are staring. Maddie starts crying because she probably sensed the tension or whatever. And I’m standing there thinking, “How did I raise such a little monster?”
If your kid has ever made you want to hide in the grocery store bathroom and cry, keep reading. Because I figured some stuff out.
When Did This Even Start?
Looking back, I think it started when Jared was like 5. Every time we went anywhere – Target, the gas station, literally anywhere – he’d find something to ask for. A candy bar, a toy, whatever. And most of the time I’d just buy it because it was easier than dealing with a meltdown in public.
Then when I got pregnant with Maddie, I felt guilty that Jared wasn’t going to be an only child anymore. So I bought him even more stuff to “make up for it.”
Smart, right?
By the time Maddie was born, Jared expected something new every single time we left the house. And when he didn’t get it? Holy meltdown, Batman.
The worst part is I KNEW I was doing it wrong. My mom would give me these looks like “what are you doing?” But I’d think, “I’m just being a good mom. I want him to be happy.”
Spoiler alert: buying your kid everything doesn’t make them happy. It makes them into tiny dictators who think the world owes them stuff.
My Rock Bottom Moment
Two months ago we went to Target. Again. Just needed laundry detergent. Jared found some $25 Lego set and started his usual routine. I said no because hello, we’re not made of money.
This kid throws himself on the floor. THROWS HIMSELF ON THE FLOOR like he’s 3 years old, not 8. He’s screaming about how I never get him anything good and how unfair his life is. Meanwhile I’m holding Maddie who’s getting upset because her brother is losing his mind.
This older lady walks by and gives me the most judgmental look. Like I’m the worst mom ever because my kid is having a breakdown in aisle 7.
That night after both kids were finally asleep, I sat on my bathroom floor and just cried. Like, ugly cried. My husband found me and was like “what’s wrong?” And I just word-vomited everything. How I felt like I’d created this ungrateful monster. How I didn’t know how to fix it. How I was failing as a mom.
He was really sweet about it but I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was – we had to change something or Jared was gonna turn into one of those awful adults nobody wants to be around.
What I Tried That Sucked
The Pinterest Gratitude Journal
Of course my first move was googling “how to make kids grateful” at 2am while feeding Maddie. Every single article said gratitude journal. So I ordered this cute one with inspirational quotes and everything.
Day one: “Jared, write three things you’re grateful for.” Him: “This is dumb.” Me: “Just try it.” Him: “Fine. Pokemon. Video games. Not doing this tomorrow.”
Day two he “forgot” to do it. Day three I found the journal under his bed with crayon scribbles all over it.
$15 down the drain.
Explaining Why He Should Be Grateful
I tried having these deep conversations about how lucky we are compared to kids in other countries. About how hard daddy works to buy him things. About how some families don’t have enough food.
Jared would nod along and say “uh huh” but I could literally see his eyes glaze over. One time he actually interrupted me to ask if we could get McDonald’s after my speech about starving children.
The kid has zero filter.
Straight Up Bribery
“If you don’t ask me for anything today, I’ll get you ice cream later.”
This worked for maybe 3 hours before he started negotiating. “What if I only ask for one small thing? What kind of ice cream? Can Tommy come get ice cream with us?”
I accidentally taught him to be a tiny lawyer instead of a grateful kid. Great job, me.
What Actually Worked (After A Lot of Trial and Error)
I Stopped Cold Turkey on Random Gifts
This was SO HARD for me. I love surprising my kids with little things. But I realized every “just because” gift was teaching Jared that wanting equals getting.
So I went cold turkey. No more impulse buys at checkout. No more “oh this is cute” purchases. If it wasn’t on my list, we weren’t buying it.
The first few shopping trips were ROUGH. Jared kept asking for stuff and when I kept saying no, he’d get confused. Like, “But mom, you always say yes when I’m really good in the store.”
I had to explain that the rules changed. That getting stuff isn’t a reward for basic behavior anymore.
The List on the Fridge
Now when Jared wants something, I write it on a list on our fridge. “Okay buddy, I wrote it down. We’ll talk about it later.”
Most of the time he completely forgets what he even wanted. Kids have the attention span of goldfish, which actually works in your favor here.
For the stuff he remembers and still wants after a week, we talk about it when he’s not all hyped up about seeing it in the store. Sometimes we decide it’s worth saving up for. Usually we don’t.
I got this magnetic notepad thing for our fridge that’s perfect for this. Nothing fancy, just somewhere to write stuff down so he feels heard.
Making Him Earn Bigger Stuff
If Jared really wants something expensive (like over $20), he has to show me he really wants it by doing extra stuff around the house.
Not chores – he has to do those anyway because he lives here and makes messes. But extra helpful stuff. Like helping me fold laundry without complaining, or playing nicely with Maddie so I can shower in peace.
We use this super simple chore chart from Amazon. Nothing crazy complicated because honestly I can barely keep track of what day it is half the time.
The cool thing is when he has to work for something, he takes way better care of it. That skateboard he earned? He actually puts it away instead of leaving it in the driveway to get run over.
The “Two Week Rule”
My sister told me about this one. If Jared wants something, we wait two weeks. If he still remembers it and still wants it after two weeks, we’ll consider it.
Most of the time he forgets completely. Kids are obsessed with something for like 5 minutes and then move on to the next shiny thing.
But when he does remember and still want it, I know it’s probably something he’ll actually use instead of just impulse wanting.
The Weird Stuff That Helped
Jared Started Helping With Maddie
One day Maddie was being super fussy and I was about to lose it. Like, full mom breakdown mode. Jared asked if he could try to make her laugh.
He started making these ridiculous faces and sounds, and she actually giggled. He was SO proud of himself. Now he asks to help with her sometimes, and here’s the crazy part – he doesn’t expect anything for it.
Turns out kids actually like feeling helpful and important. Who knew?
Taking Stuff Away Actually Works
I was always scared to take away his favorite things because I thought he’d hate me forever. But when Jared had a complete meltdown at GameStop because I wouldn’t buy him a new game, I took his Nintendo Switch away for the whole weekend.
He was MAD. Like, dramatically threw himself on his bed and declared his life was ruined.
But you know what? The next time we went to a store, he didn’t ask for a single thing. Sometimes kids need to learn that acting like a brat has consequences.
Being Honest About Money
I started talking to Jared about money in ways he could understand. Not scary stuff, but like “we have $30 for fun stuff this month. Do you want to spend $15 on Pokemon cards or save it for something bigger?”
He started making better choices when he realized money isn’t unlimited. And he stopped asking for super expensive stuff because he gets that it’s a big deal.
The Gratitude Stuff That Actually Stuck
Dinner Table Thank Yous
Every night at dinner (or while Maddie’s making a mess with her baby food), we go around and say one thing we’re thankful for from that day.
At first Jared was like “this is weird” but now he actually thinks of good ones. Last night he said “I’m thankful Mrs. Johnson let us have extra recess because it was sunny.”
Sometimes he says funny stuff like “I’m thankful Maddie didn’t poop during dinner” which cracks us all up but hey, gratitude is gratitude.
Writing Thank You Notes
When grandma sends Jared something in the mail or he gets birthday gifts, he has to write thank you notes. He absolutely hates it but I make him do it anyway.
I noticed he started saying thank you more without me reminding him after we started this. Weird how that works.
These kid thank you cards are perfect because they’re simple and he can draw pictures if he wants.
Helping Other People
We volunteer at the local food pantry once a month. Jared complained about getting up early on Saturday at first, but seeing families who don’t have enough food really opened his eyes.
He doesn’t whine about what’s for dinner anymore. And last month he asked if we could donate some of his old toys to “kids who don’t have very many.”
Made my heart happy, not gonna lie.
The Days When I Still Screw Up
Let’s be real here. Some days I’m so tired from being up with Maddie that I just give in to whatever Jared wants because I don’t have the energy to fight about it.
Last week he wanted cookies before dinner and I was like “fine, whatever, just stop asking.” Then I felt guilty about being inconsistent with my rules.
This parenting thing is exhausting and anyone who makes it look easy on Instagram is either lying or has a full-time nanny.
When Nothing Works
Sometimes Jared still acts like a spoiled brat. Yesterday he complained that his sandwich was “too sandwichy” which doesn’t even make sense but somehow made me want to scream.
And there are days when I wonder if I’m doing any of this right. Like when he throws a fit because I won’t let him have ice cream for breakfast, and I start questioning every parenting decision I’ve ever made.
But then he’ll do something sweet like bring me a drawing he made or help his baby sister find her pacifier, and I remember he’s still a good kid underneath all the 8-year-old drama.
What’s Different Now
It’s been about four months since I started changing how we do things, and here’s what I’ve noticed:
Jared asks for stuff maybe once or twice when we go shopping instead of constantly. He says thank you without being reminded probably half the time now, which feels huge.
He’s started noticing when people are nice to him too. His teacher helped him with a project and he came home all excited to tell me about how helpful she was.
The biggest change is he doesn’t expect something every time we leave the house anymore. Sometimes he’ll even say stuff like “we’re just getting groceries, right mom?” like he’s making sure I’m not planning to buy him anything.
With Maddie being little still, I can’t tell if any of this is working with her yet. But I’m trying to model better behavior around her so hopefully she won’t go through the same ungrateful phase Jared did.
Stuff I Wish I’d Known Earlier
If I could go back and talk to myself when Jared was little, I’d say stop feeling guilty about saying no. I thought being a good mom meant making my kid happy all the time and buying him whatever he wanted.
But happy kids aren’t the same as grateful kids. And grateful kids are actually happier because they appreciate what they have instead of always wanting more.
I’d also tell myself that it’s okay if your kid gets mad at you sometimes. They get over it, and they respect you more when you have boundaries.
The hardest part for me was realizing that I created this problem by trying to be the “fun mom” who always said yes. But kids need parents, not friends who buy them stuff all the time.
The Little Victories
Yesterday Jared helped me bring groceries in from the car without being asked. When I said thank you, he goes “you’re welcome mom, thanks for getting the good cereal.”
This morning he saw me struggling to get Maddie’s car seat buckled and came over to help. Then he said “having a baby looks really hard work.”
Yeah kid, it is. But moments like that make all the tantrums and grocery store meltdowns worth it.
Books and Stuff That Actually Help
Most parenting books are written by people who probably have perfect kids and house cleaners. These ones actually helped:
The Opposite of Spoiled – This guy talks about teaching kids about money and gratitude in ways that actually make sense.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen – Super old book but the communication stuff works. Even with dramatic 8-year-olds.
Things we use:
- Gratitude jar for our kitchen counter where we drop notes about good stuff
- Simple allowance tracker to help him save up for bigger things
Don’t go crazy buying stuff though. Half the parenting products on Amazon are just regular stuff with fancy marketing.
Where We’re At Now
Jared is slowly turning into a kid I actually enjoy being around, which sounds mean but is true. He still has his moments but they’re not constant anymore.
He’s learning that he can’t have everything he wants the second he wants it. And weirdly, this seems to make him happier, not sadder.
I’m trying to start better habits with Maddie from the beginning. She’s too little to understand much but I say please and thank you to her anyway, hoping she’ll pick it up naturally.
If You’re Going Through This Too
First, don’t beat yourself up. Most of us accidentally create ungrateful kids because we love them and want them to be happy. It’s not because you’re a bad parent.
Second, start small and don’t try to change everything at once. Pick one thing – maybe stop buying random stuff, or start a simple thank you routine at dinner.
Third, be ready for it to get worse before it gets better. When you start saying no more, your kid is gonna test you HARD to see if you really mean it.
And finally, remember that raising grateful kids isn’t about never buying them anything or making them feel bad about wanting stuff. It’s about teaching them to appreciate what they have and notice when people are kind to them.
Some days you’ll nail it, some days you’ll mess up completely. That’s just parenting. We’re all figuring it out as we go.
The good news is kids are pretty resilient. Even if you’ve accidentally created a tiny demanding monster like I did, you can turn it around. It just takes time and consistency and probably more patience than you think you have.
But it’s worth it when your kid randomly hugs you and says thank you for making their favorite dinner. Or when they help their baby sister without being asked. Those moments make all the grocery store battles worth it.
What’s the most ridiculous thing your kid has ever been ungrateful about? Mine complained that his birthday cake was “too chocolatey.” I’m still not over it.
